"Just ten more minutes, Mom. Pleeeease...."

Soooooo tired. (hey! didn't i hear that from someone not too long ago?)
sigh. i haven't been sleeping much. i would like to say in the past few days, but it really like in the past few months. fell asleep in the middle of a conversation with linestepper the other day. she later said that she's worried about my sleep schedule. and she's right. gotta make time for sleep. even if it means i don't have that my time for other things even more. which basically means i gotta get more organized. ugh.

funny, though. when i've gone like a good 36-48 hrs without sleep, everything look different. and i don't just mean in a hallucinating sense. i mean even my outlook on life is altered. it's kind of a trip. i had a total of 6.5 to 7 hrs of sleep in 2 days thurs & fri, and i remember being upset about something and just cracking up over it.

ok, it's been three days, and so this is going to have to be one big blog.

today i woke up on top of the world. i laid in bed wondering what to post about, and started thinking about the things that have been happening to me in the past three days, and i realized something..

for the most part, my life is pretty damn good. i think i occassionallly have some pretty low lows, and it does hit me hard sometimes. last week, i said to my friend, "today, right now, i hate my life. it super sucks." and she said something that i've been hearing a lot in my head since then. "wanna trade? i'd love to have your life. you got four great kids. you get along with your ex (enough). you're doing good in school. you got friends that love you. what more do you want?" ah. good point. i sometimes forget. shame on me.

counting my blessings can be really hard. especially when my freakin life starts sounding like a freakin country song. "my dog ran away, my cat died, my woman left me for a hermaphrodite... lost my job at the horse shit shoveling factory. car won't start.. woe is me.. woe is me... my life sucks, woe is me..." which, you know, it shouldn't be hard. i have a lot to count:

1. still got all my limbs
2. my kids are soo funny and smart, and good.
3. all of my friends are wonderful. in their own kooky ways.
4. cross country movie nights
5. all i really need in life is food, clothing, and shelter, right?

the list goes on and on.. : )

carreer of choice: roller coater-rider-tester-outer-rater person.

high:

• having a nice halloween party.
• making the choice to take a stand. and feeling good about it even though it's gonna suck....hmmm...suck...suck elephant balls? (that's for you, mik/kil)

low:

• feeling helpless. i don't think he'll ever get it. i really truly believe that. it's so weird. i feel like an alien sometimes.
• i hate having to go to the dr.'s. although i did get a nice breast massage this last time. most action i've had with someone other than myself in a while...
• worse than that is having to take medication. 3x a day. it's like having an appointment 3x a day. i can barely handle 3x a week. and it makes my pee smell funny....
• ahhhh, fuck a duck. gotta get rid of my car. got into a stoopid accident couple a weeks ago (his fault!!) , and ins co cut me a check to total my beloved bmw. god i love that car. the ride can be so smooth and so fast. i mean really fast. and i know i'm gonna miss flooring it uphill and just flying past everybody.

i spied:

• a blue globe about the size of a cantelope rolling with the flow of traffic in the #3 lane..


• 53 caramel apples!

• a tow truck towing a tow truck.
• a vein that wouldn't put out.
• generosity. my teacher let me out of class early. so i could spy the next line:
• a good sense of humor.



• a tower of soy milk.
• excruciating pain... got my hair did. hurt so bad i almost passed out...
• a funny old guy with no teeth, who gave me the funniest impression of popeye just for letting him cut in line ahead of me. (i had like 30 items, and he had 3 or 4)