awww crap!

i was talking to lotus earlier, and had the perfect title for a blog, and i've lost it completely...

i love being in the days classes. today, a "yoke" was a "joke". we were using our books to find answers to some question packets that were passed out in class. i read a sentence that sounded sexual. i say to my friend:
"wow, this sentence sounds like it's describing some sort of sexual position.." my teacher's desk is right in front of mine, and he says, "WHAT?" and so i read,

"the DISS connection consists of an externally threaded body and a mated nipple with a nut. As the two parts are joined, the shoulders of the nipple and the bores of the body mate, the union held together by a hand-tightened hex nut."

we all cracked up. someone was in dire need to get laid when they wrote that...

we are doing a class on medical gas therapy, and have to be able to calculate how much gas is in a container.my day instructor was talking about MDI's - metered dose inhalers (for asthma). he says to me, "aren't you the one who uses an MDI?" i say, "uh, no, that would be 'i got that'"... cheryl was the only one who thought it was funny because she transferred to days with me, and it was our little inside yoke, i mean joke.. ok, i guess you had to be there.

i was arguing a point (i turned out to be wrong, btw... utter humiliation is always good for the soul) with my morning instructor and he called me, "DUDE!" i said, "did you just call me 'dude'?"

yay! i got to donate a pint of blood after school! i didn't pass out, but got very lightheaded for about 3 or 4 minutes.

and in other news, i freaking can't stand evening classes. some of my old classmates i am still friends with, but this one annoying rosie perez sound-a-like is driving me crazy. she has become a full blown kiss-ass to our teacher, and bad-mouths our clinical director every chance she gets. this teacher is actually leaving the school, and is more than happy to talk shit as well, which just bothers the crap out of me, it's so blatantly disrespectful of them both. anyhoo...

so the other thing i don't like about my new evening teacher who is leaving soon is that he really talks shit about RN's, or well, actually all nurses. and my sister is an LVN and i think she is very smart and incredibly thoughful and attentive to her patients. i do my best to keep my mouth shut, but it has a tendency to rattle off sometimes, as many of you know...

instructor bitches about this time he was doing a femoral stick on a patient who he thought knew what he was doing, but it turned out that she didn't speak english, she just kept nodding her head. so when he went to draw her blood she freaked out, and he ended up sticking himself with the needle after he had already used it on her. ends up in the emergency room, and gets chewed out by the doctor for being careless and then later by the nurses in ICU. and the says, "yeah, and they say that nurses are supposed to be nurturing!!"

then he starts going on about the time a nurse nearly tore his finger to pieces trying to get out a splinter... i say, "you mean to tell me you couldn't get a splinter out of your own finger?!" he says as he throws his arms up in the air and aims them to me, "now see?! she's a perfect candidate for nursing school!!"

we all start laughing and i'm trying to hide my annoyance because i just gotta get through 3 more weeks of this class, and then i don't have to hear shit about nurses anymore, and then "rosie" says, "gee, mulysa, i guess you're in the wrong field..."

i almost lost it. i think i have told several of you about this person. she is one the meanest, nastiest persons i have come across in a while. i said, "don't be such a kiss-ass, ok?"

"i got that" borrowed a cell phone from a classmate and made a call to a cab at 9:15, right in front of the class while the instructor was giving a demonstration on ET suction... it was also kind of an open discussion thingy, so he didn't realize what she was doing right behind him, and i couldn't stop laughing. he kept saying, "what? WHAT?! what am i doing that's so funny?!" which just cracked us up more. then she walks out of class and he says, "um... where is she going? i'm not done with class..."


i honestly was thinking about dropping this class and taking it when it gets offered again in several months, i hate being with my old cohort that much... cheryl says, "just 3 more weeks, just 3 more weeks..."

GIMMIE MY GRANDDAUGHTER!!!

oh, um, yeah, and i guess the rest of you guys can come over too...

funny. i just got off the phone with my mom. she has a friend in town from new mexico, and wants my 4 year old, i mean me and the kids, to come over saturday and visit.

i used to get REALLY upset by this type of favortism, but have learned a little patience. she adored and obsessed over all the grandbabies when they were little.

it'll soon be my baby niece's turn - i'm not looking forward to THAT jerry springer episode... the grandmothers loathe each other...

YAY!! i'm the smartest dummy!!

go figure, these are the people that are holding our lives in their hands..
i just finished a science 101 class, aka respiratory care sciences. the book was more about the application of certain theories and gas laws, and provided hardly any explanation on the laws themselves, so every one was lost, including my other teacher. he decides to give us a "surprise" for our final last thursday...

i get to class at 6 pm and am told that we are not allowed to take the final until 9 pm because then everyone bails on the remainder of class, and the teachers get in trouble from the evil president... so everyone is sitting sround bored to death, and at 9 he tells everyone to take out a piece of paper and write down the grade they think they will get on the test. "be honest!" i put 92%

then he says, "have a good night!" "go home!"

"wtf?!" aw, hell no i did not study for this test so i skip it! fuck that!

i say, "did you even make up a test?"

he says, "yeah, do you have any idea how many people would have failed my test if i gave it tonight?"

i say, "gimme the test." he throws his hands up.

so i waited for everyone to leave and took the test. it was funny, he complained about how he tried to be nice, and i'm never happy. he even said that he was going to scrap my grade and give me the score i get on the test, even if i fail it. i said that sounded like a good idea, because at least then i will have earned it. we had a good laugh over the scores everyone gave themselves..

i'm pretty sure i got a 100%

in the process of switching to days...

my clinical director, who i usually have in the evenings, is now my teacher in days. i don't know how he manages to have a life - he probably doesn't. he is much more tolerable, almost even likable, during the days. one of my good friends/classmates switched to days with me and we are looking forward to finishing school maybe 3 months early. highlights of class include:

"jugular" spelled "yugular"

"vomit" and "vapor" are "womit" and "wapor"

Medical air (filtered atmospheric air) is stored in "jello" tanks... he said this and i at first thought that he said perhaps "cell" or "gel" tanks? WTF? i look at my friend and she was watching me and busting up because she knew i'd get lost.

"did he just say 'jello' tanks?"

"no.. 'yellow' tanks..."

maintaining composure is something of a challenge when one is sitting in the front row, middle seat...

CO2 (carbon dioxide) is : "used for singulation, to dilate cerebral vessels (pronounced 'bessels') and in ECMO"...

CO2 is also: "produced by heating limestone in contact with water"... um, wouldn't it make more sense to heat the water and then make contact with the limestone? he was reading the powerpoint slideshow to us, and when he got to this factoid, i said,

"you know, in case we're ever out in the woods and need some carbon dioxide or something..."

could somebody PLEASE PLEASE give us some useless information in case our itty bitty brains aren't overloaded as it is?!

each class is started with a pep talk of some sort, and yesterday he was going on (for an hour, i kid you not...) about how if you have a felony on your record, you will not be able to get your rt certification. if you have a misdemeanor, you will have to get a renewable license monthly for about a year.

this guy in the back says, "ummm, what if you like got a misdemeanor when you were a juvenile? does that count?"

sigh...

speaking of yesterday's pep talk, some classmates were asking about hiring and job placement stuff. my teacher says that he works (when, i have no idea...) at scripps mercy hospital in chula vista. then he says that he recently placed 3 rt's, over there because they were these amazing students, etc, etc... then he says that he doesn't have a lot of boys at that hospital, it's just that these three students were very good, etc..

i say to my friend, "what did he just say?! he doesn't have a lot of boys at scripps? what does that have to to with anything?!"

she giggles, "voice, melissa, voice... he doesn't have a lot of voice at scripps..."

"i heard that," i say.

"bullshit!"

lows:

• unfortunately my financial status is looking like i won't be able to take some time off from school next year and take a vacation with my kids. i was also hoping to go to europe again and see my old hood, if it still exists.
• eating habits have been horrible lately. i have grown very lazy when i don't have the baby goats and pretty much eat only prepackaged food. good thing is, i have a whole new perspective on single people and all my single friends can now look forward to not having to listen to me bitch about how they can/should be eating healthy..

highs:

• maintaining a 3.94 gpa. (see title of post)
• helped a friend find a new, bigger place to move into. she's really excited.
• can't wait to be going to days. i miss the monsters. they make life so much fun. i took D2 to baseball practice today, and he called me back to him for a kiss goodbye.
• the boys love their new venus flytraps, the girls have been helping me grow a garden with green onions, rosemary, basil, and strawberries (of course!)