no matter what...

i feel kinda bad (ok, i'll be truthful.. i almost feel bad.) that i haven't posted since that last cliffhanger.

i passed my boards on my first try. not an amazing feat, but it was difficult. esp. since that other person was tapping my arm while i was sweating bullets and trying not to shit bricks during my test. i think she finally got the hint when i gave her a pissed-off head shake after her second attempt to get me to answer another question by holding up a piece of paper with a question on it and a list of possible answers.

OMG. there are a total of four cameras (that i could see) in the room. after the second time she tried to get my attention, i was sure that we were going to get kicked out. i felt nauseous and almost started crying as i began thinking of excuses and protests that i might have as i get dragged out of the testing room.

i couldn't concentrate anymore - the words suddenly became unfamiliar to me. then, i had a moment of clarity.

(insert angels singing from heavens here..)

as soon as i realized that this was JUST A TEST, and that if i failed i could take it again within 24 hrs, i started relaxing. i even giggled a bit as i imagined myself as bart simpson in that hilarious episode where he's trying to firgure out a math word problem and starts getting really confused. the numbers start talking ti him and the trains that were heading towards each other end up colliding or something and he gets all flustered. (guess you had to be there...)

and i also reminded my self that stitch said he'd pay the $150 for me to retake my test if i failed. and i was about 3/4 done already...

breathe, girl, breathe...

i jotted down all my normal values on scratch paper. heart rate, resp. rate, blood press. abg norms. whatever formulas i could think of, and then voila! got my groove back. i "hail maried" the rest of the test and bolted out of the test room with 35 min. to spare. i didn't bother going over my answers because sometimes, you just gotta get the hell out.

so i go to this printer that gives you an immediate printout if your school stuff has been received by the state. apparently mine had. i passed with about fifteen or twenty questions to spare.

please excuse the following gross-factor, but the only thing i can compare the feeling to was taking a massive dump. homeostasis, man... nothin' like going back to it.

straight to cheers for a drinky-poo (double apple martini, thank you very much, thor...) and then home. the rest of the weekend was spent with the kids and stitch. we didn't celebrate like i had planned for the past 2 yrs - BBQ/party, everyone clapping me on the back - maybe even parading me around the block on their shoulders with confetti and party streamers softly raining down on me... no trip to europe for two weeks or vegas run dressed in men's clothing...

no, we celebrated quietly, i had a migraine until sat afternoon - i was in dire need of a long sleep. stitch worked 18 hrs himself and we were both beat.

the best part of that weekend was D1 making breakfast for the others so we could sleep in, and the girls eventually crawling into bed with us for late morning cuddling. all of the kids were more excited for me than i was, and it made me feel a little too grown up.

fear not, i have recuperated and am back to my ridiculous self...

loose ends need tying up, and tonight is not the first or the last all-nighter i will pull before this house is done.

stitch and i went to the San Diego comic con today. i have never been and it was so much fun. i want to go again next year and dress up the whole family. we laughed a lot on the walk back to the car talking about getting the boys to dress up as storm troopers and escort me as princess amidala. D4 can be my twin decoy girl. she loves dressing the same as me or Day. we decided that D3, with her tomboy tastes, might like to be a pirate. stitch can be jack sparrow and she'll make a wonderful member of his crew... i'm going to post pics on my flickr acct as soon as i get clearance from stitch on what pics he'll allow of himself to be posted...

it shouldn't be a big deal - he's cute in all of them.

and so, life goes on... (really?)

lost a few friends this year. my sister isn't talking to me and i'm not talking to my mother. not as sad as i thought i'd be until one drunken night. what did stitch say i was doing most of the time?

oh yeah, blubbering...

it's nice when you have a good friend in the one person you spend most of your time with.

who becomes such an important part of your life.
who becomes such an important part of your family.

who really wants to be a part of raising your kids.

who is unselfish with you and never gripes about not having enough time with you.

who says, "babe. don't worry about it. the kids come first..."

who holds me close and promises me we'll always be friends...

no matter what.


now playing: "the longest time" by billy joel

BATTER UP!!!

in 24 hrs and forty minutes i begin my 160 question, 3 hr state exam for respiratory therapist.

i am not as well prepared as i had hoped i'd be.

this last hour has really sucked.

i was having a pretty productive morning. spoke to a few people who cheered me up, and then i get a call from a friend who i have known for about 12 years. she is also taking the test with me tomorrow. she finished school about a year before me and has taken the test 3 times already and failed. i think she'll pass this time, because with each test, she has scored better - the last time she failed by only 3 missed questions.

we chatted about tomorrow - the test is at 1.30 pm and i want to go to a nearby starbucks and study several hours before taking the test. then she dropped a bomb on me like i have never seen... (and believe me, i have had some big-ass, ugly bombs dropped on me...)

my good friend of many years, who i respect(ed) very much has offered me 1 k to let her cheat off of me during tomorrow's test. my heart grew incredibly heavy as i realized she wasn't joking and i closed my eyes while i physically tried to get over the slamming in my chest and smooth this over without ruining our friendship.

there have been SO many times in school when i have been cheated off of. not really a big deal. i am not so uptight that i freak out if someone does it. rarely have i ever given anyone the answers to a test question. our school tests were usually either super easy, or the answers were given out to us the day before. whatever.

but now we're talking about a state given exam. if i were to get caught, my license (or potential license) would get revoked - i would NEVER be able to get my license again. i'd still owe my school the 36 k for my education and be educated in a field i'll never be able to work in.

playing an hour of "ZUMA" has alleviated some of the anxiety. i played under stitch's username, and i think he now has some of the top scores...

i'd rather never get my license because i can't pass the damn test rather than never get it because i cheated...

how do you explain that to a friend?

and to top it all off, she doesn't want to cheat off of my answers, but rather have me read the ones she can't figure out, then give her the answers! like i'm not going to have anything better to do during those 3 hrs!!

several of my classmates have already taken the test, and they all said the SAME thing - not enough time... if i manage to finish early, i really need to be going over my own answers, don'tcha think?

apparently she doesn't..