T.G. for 4 day weekends...

and i think i've earned it... i am tired...

gotta love it when i groan about being up at such an hour and he reminds me of many a night when he was up without a single protest and had to work the next day...

or two...

perhaps even three...

and the highs are still high. and the lows are still low. and there is never enough time for anything in this life, especially for figuring out what there is time for, so i find myself squeezing in kid time boyfriend time and work time (not necessarily in that order...) into a very narrow funnel, for sanity's sake.

which makes for an oddly happy life.

we took the munchkins to balboa park last saturday. on sunday we went back with the dogs to the dog park. i was so grouchy from working the night before i barked at everyone over a simple mistake and insisted we go home. home we went in total silence. pulling into the driveway rey said simply, "if you want to stay home, that's fine, but i'm taking the kids back to the park."

i kept my insuppressible smile to myself (it would have been out of character to do otherwise), grumbled something incoherent and fell asleep for the rest of the ride back to balboa park. D1 was the only one who had the nerve to thank him.



getting them to all smile nicely at the same time is a major endeavor, so i've managed to able to settle for 3/4.


ok. maybe 1/2...


i hope they remember that i've always tried to be what i should be...












sometimes i wonder if he has any idea
how much she loves him...

















































i cracked my first set of ribs yesterday and didn't pass out (that's a good thing, right? did you know that the people taking care of you & your loved ones are human?). in fact, i broke a sweat doing compressions on a poor pt. who should've had their code status more well thought out - there was too much confusion as to whether or not do a partial code, chem code, or just bag and no compressions. my best advice to those out there is to think about what it would take for them (or you) to not want to be resuscitated and be freakin CLEAR about your code status before you are in one...

oh, and think twice about going to the second floor to drop off one's pager to another RT for a lunch break, because that's exactly when a code will happen on that floor and an hour later you'll be glassy-eyed and starving and wondering what the hell just happened...

today was such a nice day with the three youngest - sea world, a park for lunch, and grocery shopping for dinner (chicken alfredo with asparagus and dill)...

i kinda felt like a stay at home mom...

p.s. i posted rest of pics on my flickr acct... the link's on the right.

today i'm grateful for

the loneliness that subsides when words of similar longing make life a little more bearable after all...

"and you can't ask for much more than that, can you sir?" i softly asked as i gently pulled a mask over his face. turned the flow to 8 instead of 10 liters to draw out his treatment - he was a bit short of breath. then i smoothed the wisps of hair from his 87 yr old forehead and massaged the creases between his anxious brows.

"my dear, you have warmed the cockles of my heart... do you know what this means?" he was already beginning to drift off.

we talked about human nature and what made his life so rich. he is ready to die...

i always have mixed feelings when i make them cry... even if it is with a smile.

next door was the man who told me the hilarious joke about the two blonds that walked into a building and the married couple from tennesee who divorced in california...

and around the corner from them was sweet miss frail.

"can i tell you? how happy i am that you found me? because i was lost. out there..." she said with glazed eyes. "and now you have found me." for whom i got yelled at by a doctor for insisting that she get respiratory treatments for her severe stridor. a cardiologist who was more concerned about her heart problems than her pulmonary problems. he barks at me to find her chart because he wrote orders for resp treatment and why haven't i given them yet? turns out he didn't write them, and her chart was at his desk, and when the nurse finally uncovers it because it was nowhere else, lo and behold! there's an order that he wrote AFTER i freakin told him to write one and he blew me off saying he already did. dickhead. i should've kicked the leg of his chair when he was dozing off at his desk in the nurses station. yeah. that would've felt great. she suffered through the night and i should've done more. ugh.

my charge chuckled when i told him i'm gonna to lose my job over fighting with a doc one of these days...

stitch mumbled, "oh my gosh, we are so alike..." and told me about a time when he refused to suction a patient who didn't need it...

i wonder if he went into the med room and stuck his tongue out at the doc and flipped him off too...

listening to: "i'd die without you" artist: P.M. Dawn, The Bliss Album
it makes me happy sad, which is so fitting this week...