HAPPY MONDAY!!!

Pass My Shotgun

haha. great. last night i tailed a dumb ass girl who tailed me and then had the nerve to cut me off. i was up on her ass for the two blocks she was in front of me. damn, it felt good. usually i don't stress about this stuff, i let it go, no big deal, avoid the potential accident. then i talked to a friend and bawled my eyes out over something totally stupid, yeah, i know it was, mikshir, so thanks for enduring my ranting. hope you at least found it midly entertaining. let's see what the week has in store for me, or should i say my hormones? linesteppa, if ya got any extra sympathy, kick it over, girl.

f'n a, the smurf goin out of town three days this week. like over night. i swear. place your bets. i'm gonna have to drop out by the spring if this shit keeps up.

sexy thang sent this to me a while ago, it made me laugh:
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.

13 THINGS PMS STANDS FOR:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect

career choice of day: sniper

high:
-didn't run out of gas while driving to son's school for caramel apples.
-haven't smoked goin' on 2 days now. class is gonna suck (balls). heehee... it always kills me to see a bunch of RT's (respiratory therapists) smoking on breaks.
-having lunch with good friends and baby girl.
-looks like house might be closing soon...

low:
-have no friggin' clue what happened to my bullets/numbering buttons. they've magically disappeared.
-pat's drivin' me up the wall with offspring stuff. sometimes i think i can hear my screws rattling loose in my head...
-damn a damn! i'm craving nic so bad right now. um, what did she say? "ok, so you're experiencing discomfort. so deal with it.." thanks linesteppa! i'll remember that! ; )

i spied:
-a happy boy.
-a bitch in heat
-4 uncarved pumpkins
-my new porch pet, charlotte

"Just ten more minutes, Mom. Pleeeease...."

Soooooo tired. (hey! didn't i hear that from someone not too long ago?)
sigh. i haven't been sleeping much. i would like to say in the past few days, but it really like in the past few months. fell asleep in the middle of a conversation with linestepper the other day. she later said that she's worried about my sleep schedule. and she's right. gotta make time for sleep. even if it means i don't have that my time for other things even more. which basically means i gotta get more organized. ugh.

funny, though. when i've gone like a good 36-48 hrs without sleep, everything look different. and i don't just mean in a hallucinating sense. i mean even my outlook on life is altered. it's kind of a trip. i had a total of 6.5 to 7 hrs of sleep in 2 days thurs & fri, and i remember being upset about something and just cracking up over it.

ok, it's been three days, and so this is going to have to be one big blog.

today i woke up on top of the world. i laid in bed wondering what to post about, and started thinking about the things that have been happening to me in the past three days, and i realized something..

for the most part, my life is pretty damn good. i think i occassionallly have some pretty low lows, and it does hit me hard sometimes. last week, i said to my friend, "today, right now, i hate my life. it super sucks." and she said something that i've been hearing a lot in my head since then. "wanna trade? i'd love to have your life. you got four great kids. you get along with your ex (enough). you're doing good in school. you got friends that love you. what more do you want?" ah. good point. i sometimes forget. shame on me.

counting my blessings can be really hard. especially when my freakin life starts sounding like a freakin country song. "my dog ran away, my cat died, my woman left me for a hermaphrodite... lost my job at the horse shit shoveling factory. car won't start.. woe is me.. woe is me... my life sucks, woe is me..." which, you know, it shouldn't be hard. i have a lot to count:

1. still got all my limbs
2. my kids are soo funny and smart, and good.
3. all of my friends are wonderful. in their own kooky ways.
4. cross country movie nights
5. all i really need in life is food, clothing, and shelter, right?

the list goes on and on.. : )

carreer of choice: roller coater-rider-tester-outer-rater person.

high:

• having a nice halloween party.
• making the choice to take a stand. and feeling good about it even though it's gonna suck....hmmm...suck...suck elephant balls? (that's for you, mik/kil)

low:

• feeling helpless. i don't think he'll ever get it. i really truly believe that. it's so weird. i feel like an alien sometimes.
• i hate having to go to the dr.'s. although i did get a nice breast massage this last time. most action i've had with someone other than myself in a while...
• worse than that is having to take medication. 3x a day. it's like having an appointment 3x a day. i can barely handle 3x a week. and it makes my pee smell funny....
• ahhhh, fuck a duck. gotta get rid of my car. got into a stoopid accident couple a weeks ago (his fault!!) , and ins co cut me a check to total my beloved bmw. god i love that car. the ride can be so smooth and so fast. i mean really fast. and i know i'm gonna miss flooring it uphill and just flying past everybody.

i spied:

• a blue globe about the size of a cantelope rolling with the flow of traffic in the #3 lane..


• 53 caramel apples!

• a tow truck towing a tow truck.
• a vein that wouldn't put out.
• generosity. my teacher let me out of class early. so i could spy the next line:
• a good sense of humor.



• a tower of soy milk.
• excruciating pain... got my hair did. hurt so bad i almost passed out...
• a funny old guy with no teeth, who gave me the funniest impression of popeye just for letting him cut in line ahead of me. (i had like 30 items, and he had 3 or 4)

Suck It Up!!!

ok. moving back (or perhaps, forward? heehee..) from most recent events to the morning..

was just at shogun & linestepper's for a break before i went home. it's so nice to spend time out on someone's patio and feel like i'm at home. in good company. we shared some good laughs over artistic blogging. haha ronin. just wait. you'll see. haha. got a good one rolling around in this warped mind. haha. it's really funny.

pulled a funny on the bowling team tonight. unfortunately it didn't go as planned. but really good laughs were aplenty, and i was touched (emotionally, that is.) when ronin exclaimed that he wanted to take his cans home. i wish i could've heard what hot fudge had to say. i love to hear her laugh. it's one of those laughs that makes me want to be even sillier, just to hear it again. Hey!! that reminds me! i need to get her a bottle of plum wine.. gotta keep workin' on the recipe.. : )

there's a rumbling in my tummy.. (pooh bear in "winnie the pooh and the hundred acre wood") ate a bean & cheese burrito in under ten minutes while in a hurry to get home before i went to school. sometimes i marvel at my multi-tasking abilities. i ate the last bit as i was driving, talking on the phone, and smoking.

had a practical discussion with a friend about getting my life together. the more i talk about it with her, the more i feel like it is finally sinking into my mushy CPU.

hamster cage from hell cleanup at the crack of dawn.. gotta let this one go, or i'll lose it for sure..

when all else fails, listen to fabio. it's simply not possible to listen to him and not crack up.

career choice of the day: inventor. and not just any inventor. one that makes furnace venting made out of a special metal that doesn't expand or contract with heat, and therefore not freaking out single, over-imaginative women into thinking something is crawling around in the vents everytime the heat turns on.

high:

• EVERY morning my boys give the sweetest hugs and kisses when they get out the car. even when they're running late. even when they want to go hang out with their friends. even when they're mad at me. even if i don't ask.
• this kid at mickey d's was so nice to me this morning, and i was totally not expecting it. i had a good look at him from the side before he gave me my food, and had stereotyped him as a dumb ass kid with tats out in the boonies.. nice to be reminded that i shouldn't judge.
• got taxes practically actically done!!! boo yeah!
• got a good grade on a test in a subject i love to talk about, but hate to think about.

low:

• smoking too much this week. really truly think this'll be my last week. for health reasons.
• this kid at mickey d's was so nice to me this morning, and i was totally not expecting it. i had a good look at him from the side before he gave me my food, and had stereotyped him as a dumb ass kid with tats out in the boonies.. nice to be reminded that i shouldn't judge.
• my older daughter was so happy that i had cleaned her hamster's cage for her. then she looked at me with the saddest eyes and said "now i know why you don't have time for other things, mama. you're so busy taking of us." i told her she was worth every last second of every last chore in the world. and she smiled. and i could tell she was still worried about me.

no, i did not accidentally put high and low the same. it makes me happy that i was able to see his friendliness, but also sad that i thought low of someone i didn't even know. hmm. maybe i should send him an apology card or something. haha.

today i spied:

• a piece of light-colored painted plywood (1.5 ft X 1.5 ft) on the freeway, in my exit lane. the interesting thing about this particular piece of wood is that for about the past week, i keep driving over it because it is in the left side of the lane, and so my left tires go right over it. and i always try to remember, but i never do, until i see it right in front of me, and by then it's too late to swerve, so i've been going over it every time i've taken that exit for the past week... i dunno, maybe 8 or 9 times? i've looked at it so much, i've got images of the growing crack down the middle etched on my brain.. let's see what happens tomorrow.
• genuine service.
• a reminder (receipt!) to go to fudrucker's with some good friends to celebrate the beginning of a real estate roller coater ride that eventually brought us all closer to each other a year ago. close enough to klonk our noggins together and see stars. My treat! Hey!!! we should all order the same stuff we got last time!
• an inflated tire around my waist. wtf? how did that get there?
• a number nine that keeps looking like a number six to me.
• total temptation. the freakin' avocados over the fence are calling to me, i swear. i don't have the balls to ask the owners if i can pick some, and there's something about the mental images of climbing the fence and snagging one or two or ten that is so appealing to me.
• two staple pullers. now why the hell do i have two? they look like a rodent with its jaws fully opened, possibly in a yawn or something.
• and a partridge in a pear tree... (i had more periods, but remembered to stick to three..)

Theme Songs (Emotional Playlisting)

Oh man, what a polly-wolly crappy day... for the most part it started out good, and by late afternoon, i was a mess! all i could think about was packing up a few changes of clothing and running away to some far-off place where no one knows me at all. TITT that sucks the most: when i realize where true love comes from, i am compelled not to draw from those sources. i think i simply want to not carry other unbearable burdens anymore. sorry for the cryptic-ness, but it cannot be avoided sometimes. some will understand, others won't - most don't usually. if you need further explanation, please feel free to ask. i just might answer.

today i was asked to do something i really couldn't do, and i have such a hard time saying no. period. and yes, i said no, but it made me feel not guilty, fortunately, but pissed, bitter, and well, pissed. i really don't like feeling like this. it bothers me that i emotionally allow myself (workin' on being responsible for my reactive feelings, rather than blame the prick who pushed me into those feelings!) to react to things this way. i feel this drive to be what i think is better, and try to be more contemplative about things rather than angry and hostile. it really depresses me to find myself swimming in these ugly feelings.

someone once had a conversation with me (probably over coffee :) ) about being able to see the positive side of things. and be thankful for them. and cherish lessons that while are hard, but that help me be better in life, even if through tough situations. so... thank you, taxidriver (hey! new nickname! it's perfect!), for giving me the opportunity to say, "i really cannot do that, it is too much for me at this time in my chaotic life.." thank you for giving me the challenge and although i feel that i did not meet my own hopes with regards to my slightly wimpy-ass declination, it gave me the chance to try out my skills of "standing up for myself" and showed me that i need some serious work in that department! i really mean that, btw.

got out class early, and called a precious lifeline, totu. i said something like, "i'm so bummed today." and he said, "tell me all about it.." and so i started to ramble on and on and on for about 15 minutes, and finally said, "damn! what a mouthful! thank you so much for listening. you are always so patient with my ramblings. did i talk you to sleep? hello?" apparently we got disconnected right when i started talking, and he figured i was close to home, so he decided to wait for my call, and haha! i told the whole story about my crappy day and he didn't hear a word! i love the little things that catch me off guard and make me laugh...

career choice of the day: soft-porn novelist

high:

• got a good, intense study session done. i must now pay homage to the caffiene gods. i love coffee. the jitters make me giggly though. and talkative. but you all already know that. : )
• helping my daughter's teacher (struggling in math at SWC) with some basic tutoring. it's nice to be there for somebody, especially when it's sharing knowledge that makes their life a little better. makes me feel useful.
• snapping out of a nasty mood via good friends. linesteppa, you're always there for me. and when you're not, it's because you can't be. you laugh when i get psycho and do really good impressions of me in later conversations. i love it. "i'm gonna kill that bleep bleep bleep!!" my only fear is that i'll be to you what i dread others being to me: standing on my shoulders and when running out of room, onto my head. promise you'll tell me if i ever do so. ah, totu. nothin' in the world like a friend whose woes compares to one's own, huh? i was thinking that i could drag you into my miserable bog of an evening (seeing as how misery loves company and all...), and you've managed to clear the skies. thank you, mr. weatherman.

low:

• can't find 2 of my old math books and their student guides... i'm pretty sure i lent them out to other people who needed help in math, and i don't remember who. i'm sure i'll never see them again. maybe i should just go out and buy whole new sets.
• when i wrote that last "low", it was earlier in the day... boy did i have another think comin'...

today i spied:

• effort. hey! down to less than one a day!
• underestimation. "yeah, i totally got this test.. i know all the terms." not!
• excitement!! yay! the guavas are starting to ripen!
• unidentifiable roadkill
• a good student with genuine desire to learn. she really tried hard to understand me and for the most part, she did.
• a hamster with balls the size of a large walnut

"WRAP IT UP!"

Being organized can be the biggest turn-on.. no wonder why they call it "productivity porn". i've always wanted to be organized, and with so much going on in my life, never could seem to pull it together. which is exactly why i should've done it a looong time ago. so. earlier this year, mikshir sent me (thanks again for the hundredth time!!) a pocket organizer (which i lost on a crazy trip up north.. bummer..) which helped me so much.

he also ordered a book for me (how sweet!) that helps in "getting things done". i also lost that on an airplane when the plane was goin' all crazy because the pilot was trying to touch down as quickly as possible, becuase we were running (flying, i mean, haha..) late, and everyone was bracing for freakin' impact, and i, in a hurry, put the book in the magazine flap in front of me and forgot all about it when i exited the plane.. (i had to get out of there asap, i was so upset.) i think there is suspicion that i "lost" it, if you know what i mean. ; )

anyhoo. got a replacement, and i love writing down everything i have to do. what a joy to cross off things i've accomplished at the end of the day. the only thing depressing about being organized is when i see a pattern of high growth of things to do vs. actually getting things done. someone very smart (yeah, you know who you are..) said that i need to start delegating things that other people can do to them. this is a very hard thing for me to do!! i can't help it. nothing seems to get done right unless i oversee it or do it myself.

just today, i had a maintenence person fix a plumbing problem, instead of having done it myself. i just don't have the time. however, the moment it got done, i experienced a sense of relief because it got done, and a wave of frustration because of: a. cost ($120.00) and b. i could've done it myself for virtually nothing. the materials cost less than $20.00. but then again i don't have the time, energy to do it. and, i have to admit, one of the only things that give me pride is when i finish something myself. grrr...

high: it looks like lil' sis (ha new nickname!!) will finally be geting a new job. hee hee. she came over last night to use my computer and saw a picture of her on my wall. (i have a mini-collage of my dearest friends. yes, your up their to. ) "Where did you get that picture?!?" she exclaimed. i laughed so hard. it was at a party at my house this summer. "OMG! Where?!? It look soo bad!!" snicker. i'm surprised she left it up. i hope she gets the job.

low: not having studied hardly at all for an upcoming exam. i know, i should be studying right now. i have no good excuse. but i can come up with really some bad ones!!
they are:

• my kiddies had dr appts...
• i went to my friend's house because she needed some help with babysitting. (yeah, i know i shouldn't have lingered for an extra 30 min)
• ummmmm.... threw a baby shower this weekend and still haven't cleaned up yet.
• i woke up late.
• i haven't had enough coffee yet.
• linesteppa came over for a coffee break and distracted me. (it's all her fault!)
• my car's dirty.

ha ha! i sound like jake blues (john belushi) in that hilarious scene (the blues brothers) where he's at gun-point with carrie fisher and tries to explain why he didn't show up for their wedding....

today i spied:

• courage. someone i love tried really hard to quit smoking. again... one of my little ones didn't cry when he got a shot...
• hope for love.. via patience.
• acceptance. "Allllright. Ya' drive a haard bargain there, Mister!!"
• disappointment.
• pride. she needs to go home.

in the midst of trails...

Today was a whirlwind of events for me.

first thing in the morning, I was awakened by my dear friend, hot fudge. We were supposed to go shopping together. (she has unparalleled shopping stamina...) the events that followed our simple conversation completely wowed me. I have discovered for myself what others have previously proclaimed, but I could never believe.

word travels fast. It is quite possibly faster than the speed of light - most definitely faster than the speed of sound. The second half of my previous statement doesn't quite make sense, but I think I got it figured out. The thought processing of women is so fast, it's practically telepathic. In the time it took me to figure out that there was going to be anything to talk about, and then make the motions to counter the talk, the talk had reached it's new destination and was ready and waiting for me in a matter of minutes. Women don't mess with these things. I'm honored to be part of such amazing beings.

today I spied:

• a pair of blue-footed boobies. I'm pretty sure I did, but you can never be truly sure of these sightings...Only time can tell you that.
• the slightest glimpse of sanity. This was actually in my friend, sexy thang. She immediately lost it.
• a moment of clarity. Sometime after breakfast... Then again it could've been my stomach settling!
• 4 angels
• good, sincere service (extremely rare)
• patience. Someone waited for me.
• a white hair on the edge of my hairline. Don't worry. Problem solved.
• a broken heart. No explanation needed

High: spending some quality time with my dear hot fudge.. Had some extra company with us, and she is the sweetest.. There is nothing in the world that compares to having great friends cherish your children as you do. You're the best, hf.

Low: wasn't there for a friend. Who told me when I apologized that the wonderful thing about our relationship is that we can say no to each other and it's ok.. 143, sexy thang...

miss you
love you
be strong
we will always have each other
things will get better
and then they'll probably get worse again
that's life
the real tragedy would be to have gone through this life
not having had
someone like you in it.
syd

Because it makes sense......

ahhhh.. My first blog! hoppin' on that bandwagon with my very good friends screg and mikshir.. Now you guys can read my thoughts in addition to hearing me yak about them all day! Yay! So that is my answer to the question, "Why not?"

some of you who are reading this have heard me say in the past that I think I could make a really funny 'seinfeld'-type show about my life. And one of the things that would make it so funny are my friends... You all make my life so very interesting- it has been appropriately named "The Missy Show". Thank you, linestepper!

today I had so many ups and downs, which is part of a typical day for me. I laughed sooo hard on the phone with my friend, linestepper (trust me, she has totally earned the title!), over a ridiculous story about a time I had the stomach flu and made an emergency stop at a nearby Denny's..

I think the question screg asked me today was, "what are you extracting?". I didn't have a good comeback, and hah! I am realizing at this moment, that that is the one time he ever catches me off guard. Even though I know he'll ask me something. He always does. gotta think of some good responses. hmm... A hairplug, perhaps?

the saddest part of my day was, oddly enough, also my happiest. My dear friend mikshir and I had several conversations throughout the day. He is one of the most thoughtful and kindest persons I know. These wonderful traits (unfortunately for him) have no bearing on my desire to push him out of his box every chance I get (it's just so much fun!). And he always takes it in stride. And he lives so far away. Hence the sadness.

I am so gifted (was going to say 'blessed', but I don't want to ruffle any feathers...) with such good friends, sometimes I think life can't get any sweeter. Yeah. A blog about my friends. Can't think of a better subject for my first blog.

the question I'd like to ask is, "why 'blog'?" TITT, blog is such a gross word. pog. hog. sog. frog. log. clog. bog. say the word maybe ten times and you'll see what I mean.. blogs should have been named something ... Pretty.