shopping, cropping, dropping my cash

the wonderful thing about shopping, is it can be wonderful fun!
i discovered i'm not a medium, my ass could use some sun!
i get the blues tryin' on shoes and can never find the right hues!
but the most wonderful thing about shopping is when i'm finally done!
oh when iiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm finally done!!

highs:

• the most detailed story about a chunk of oyster accidently left in a jar of kimchee. it was thoroughly compared to a "slimy, rotting piece of vagina". and i quote, "damn! i don't want no vulva in my kimchee! there were folds in it and everything! naaasty."
• english test seemed kinda easy. although i don't think i'll ever get the hang of who and whom...
• front yard finally got worked on.
• trash guy let me refill my trash can and wheel it across the street so it culd be picked up a second time.
• had some good laughs in class tonight.
• hmmmmm.. rubio's.

low:

• squeeeezing into a medium and having my chest forced out the top of the shirt. i'm sure it looked funny, but it didn't feel funny...
• hearing the saddest story from one of my classmates. she had a horrible story to tell. i'm glad to see her in a better place. damn... thought my life sucked until i heard hers.
• reviewing a chapter from 9 to 10 pm the night before we take the exam. does not make sense to me. bad enough i gotta retain 5 other chapters worth of info, can't we just be given the last chap sooner? not even 24 hrs to study it. bah!

i spied:

• an empty trash can i keep forgetting to put a bag in, so i've been throwing trash into a little pile next to the trash can. wtf, i should just not have a trash can, and make little piles of trash everywhere, and sweep them up occassionally.
• serious caffiene buzz. hey, at least i dope up legally...
• trash in a parking lot.
• a big blue jacket that was really confortable and light, but looked ridiculous on me.
• a skinned kitty! (that would be linesteppa needing help peeling off a shirt because if she attempted it herself, it surely would've torn.)
• a whole bunch of split ends i peeled apart when lecture became unbearable..

Never Thought We'd Make It...

Never thought we'd be here, in this space.
today you said to me, "girl, i can't believe we did it."

"it's not the way either of us hoped it'd be. not the way we wished it could've been..."

but i see you. in your horrible space.

and yet i see growth. the littlest bit. and i felt hope. for all of us.

sitting on the porch, swinging in the yellow-orange light of the setting sun, i thought that you looked a little different.

still sad, still hurt, but a little more clear about where you've been, where you're going. where your hurts have come from. and that was a good thing.

someone i love said to me once, "hold on, girl, hold on..."

and from that thought, that encouragement, i pulled strength. and now i hope to give some to you, to get you through these times.

these times of maddening self-doubt. insecurity. fear of losing the ties with our hearts. fear of being alone and standing up for ourselves. afraid to make it, afraid we won't.

realizing we are on different paths is ok. we need to do what's best for ourselves and can still be connected.

you said you used to just sit and worry about me. and you were scared for me. sometimes i feel the same for you.

it'll all be ok baby... hold on girl, hold on...

and fuck it, worst case scenario, we'll just move in together and be lesbos! i'll be the guy if you insist, as long as i get to be on the bottom once in a while...

love

and on that thought...

speaking of being a complete nut, i also have a problem with baggers. so. went to costco one day. they packed my meats with my veggies in the same box... (they use their old boxes for "bagging" groceries.) i have this thing about contaminated foods. what if the meat juices ooze onto my veggies? what if i want to eat the veggies raw and now they have carcass juices on them? considering that i pay for this stuff, aren't i entitled to have them "bagged my way?"

anyhoo. the groceries were bagged with the chicken on it's side and the bag it was in upside down (what's the point in that?!). so the raw juices spilled onto my veggies and my boxed groceries. super gross. so after that, i made a mind of asking baggers to please bag my raw meats separately and they always look at me like i'm some nut! the funny thing is, if i don't, like 75% of the time i don't, they bag the meats and other groceries together!

just can't win, i tell you. i got the dirtiest look from a grocery bagger person once because i asked her to separate the items, and she barked, "oh, i NEVER do that!" so the next time i was at costco and she bagged my stuff, i didn't say anything, and guess what, the very same girl bagged my raw meats with my veggies. they're all out to get me, i'm sure of it...

sigh. i should just start making separate trips to the store just to ensure that my meats and other foods don't get bagged together. or make 2 trips into the store. or just not buy raw meat anymore. that's make hot mama happy. damn vegetarians. always got a good comeback. : )

and one more thing...

i hate it when i go to starbucks and tell them to leave and inch of space at the top of the cup so i have plenty of room for cream and sugar... i get the venti house coffee and every single time i tell them to give me and inch of space. and they never get it right.. then i started showing them with my thumb and index finger what an inch was, and they still don't get it right. once i actually told the person that i wanted an inch of space at the top of the cup, showed her with my fingers what an inch looked like, explained to her that if she gives me too much coffee, i'd have to pour some of it out into the trash because the coffee is strong and i need room for cream, and also said that she was welcome to use the end of one of her fingers to measure if she wasn't sure just to get it right. know what she did?

gave me maybe 2.5 inches of space for my cream and sugar.
it was practically a grande in a venti cup.
not to mention that i of course realized that she must've thought that i was a complete nut.
which is cool... i realize that some of my closest friends think so too...

you know who you are!!

Ah, The Manic-ness Of it All....

wow. i can't believe so much time has passed since my last post. i've been going through the usual ups and downs..

sigh... i hate it when my heater goes on during the day because i forgot to turn it off in the morning. seems like such a waste of money. i could get a programmable one, but i don't plan onliving here much longer, and it would seem like a waste of thirty bucks... then again i'd probably blow that much anyway over the winter because i keep forgetting to turn it off in the morning... dilemmas, dilemmas .

have i mentioned to anyone (besides totu) that i despise english grammar? the 8 parts of speech in particular. i think i have finally found a class i will not do well in. my teacher should've been a nun. she's really high-strung and treats us like a bunch of 2nd graders. for the last 2 nights i have been dissecting sentences and it's driving me nuts.. getting tested on pronouns and the 5 million branches of pronouns on tuesday. guess i should start studying. at least my gpa is good right now..

started shopping for turkey day. me & le kiddies (see!? see what that class is doing to me? it's not supposed to be "me & le kiddies", because "me" is a personal pronoun, and since it is also the subject of that sentence, so it is supposed to be "I", as in "the kiddies and I". if the personal pronoun is the object of a sentence, then it takes its other form, "me". at least i think so. it's hard to make out what my teacher says because she has a thick romanian accent... is that right, m? i figure of all people, you should know. wait! screg too! mr. english degree guy. you should be torturing, i mean tutoring me!) are going to celebrate t day on friday, so anyone wants to join us, please come. i always screw up the turkey, but no biggie. i figure it makes for good entertainment and gossip..

family relationships baffle me. my personal goal for life is to not take things personally. problem is, i've been doing that since i was born. crap on a crouton, that's gonna be hard. someone said, "you just gotta learn not to count on them..." thing is, for years i was myself really counted on by many, and now feel really let down. and of course, i don't have the balls to say anything, so if anything feel like kicking myself in the ass for lack of courage. sucks balls.

it's been a hectic couple of weeks, and i'm glad that some things in my life have moved forward. can't wait for t-day. considering getting canned turky meat meat, though.

career choice of the week: professional napper. there's gotta be a way for me to find a job as a professional sleeper. i could get hooked up to machines that monitor my sleeping patterns, and the information would contribute to some sort of study that would in turn benefit the whole world. save the world and get rest... ahhhh..

i've spied:

• a big fat orange tabby cat that had the stupidity to run across the road just as i was passing it. almost hit it. i sometimes think that animals that do that such as birds have some kind or dare-thing going on. what on earth possesses them do fly/run across the street as you are driving by? we may never know...
• a monster hair ball. i finally decided to throw away my collection of hair. i have been saving from my head, and thought it was really fun and cool looking, but decided to throw it away when linestepper came over. i showed it off to her and she looked utterly disgusted. haha. then i started thinking about people coming over for thanksgiving and going to use my bathroom and seeing it. i don't think anyone will find it very amusing, so i tossed it.
• a broken air freshener that was leaking, and when i touched it, smelled car fresh for the next day.
• the receptionist at the car dealership i'm thinking of buying my new car at back a car into another car right in front of me. in response, i of course, looked my new potential car over to make sure she hadn't done the same thing to my car..

high:

• visiting with a good friend.
• wearing warm clothes at night (i love bundling up)
• getting 2 a's in my last classes
• baby girl turned 4 and she's absolutely beautiful.

low:

• i miss them being little. it goes by so fast, and it's such a shame that my dear friends didn't get to enjoy them when they were small.
• crazy but nice romanian teacher is going to be a ball buster.
• bleh, the usual stuff regarding relationships. i leave it at that, thank you very much.

The Limerick Trick!!

i love my friends...

Ronin
i've a friend ronin, who does much of groanin'
me thinks he's lacking in some serotonin
his missuss is sweet
she keeps him on his feet
my music in his car makes him go moanin'

Linesteppa
Linesteppa is a sassy gal
you'd want no other for a pal
with your kids she'll play
'til the end of the day
and commit pranks on you she shall

Totu
Totu lives so far away
come home to us someday he may
he's silly, and witty
never says much thats shitty
a totem i should build out of clay

Clark
Clark makes neat art
that some have thought tart
it's made me laugh
i'll say on his behalf
and with me that's a really good start.

Shogun
Shogun gives the bestest hugs
it's almost like taking a bunch of drugs
he's funny and kind
a bubble behind
on him i'd never sic thugs

Hot Mama
Hot Mama is the nuttiest girl
but into your hair she'll bring a curl
i love her to death
not a bit of bad breath
if you offer her meat she'll hurl

Blog On This!!

On My Car:
i'm getting a new car this weekend (i hope), and i'm kinda sorta not looking forward to it. there's something nice about knowing all the faults in one's car and being able to, for the most part, anticipate them. you get used to the grinding sounds, the jingles, and the clanking. but my car is way past due. just about every warning sound possible goes off. those of you fortunate enough have been on the phone with me while i turned on my car, or turned it off, probably heard the dinging. when i turn on my car, in addition to the "seat belt" ding, i have a "parking light needs service" ding, a "replace your brake linings" ding, a "you need more coolant" ding, and now a "change your oil, you dummy" ding. pat once said that the reason for some of the dings is that when the car gets serviced, there are these reset buttons that are supposed to be pushed, but that when my car has been serviced, they haven't been reset, so thus the dinging. i remember thinking that i'd like to ding the knuckle head who didn't reset my (car) buttons, but decided to keep my mouth shut because it was a certain someone's brother who had done the work.

anyhoo, my car is falling apart, the hydraulic doohickey's that keep the trunk lid open when you open the trunk don't work, so i often find myself having to hold the trunk open with my head (very uncomfortable) while i carefully reach for shit in the trunk. and i have to make sure the kids don't go in the back, because it's an accident just waiting to happen. the weather stripping is starting to come off, and to top it all off, i got into an accident about 2 weeks ago (his fault!) when a dummy kid tried to make a right hand turn from the left hand lane right in front of me. so i've got a settlement check for about 3.1 k, and it's just time.

TITT - i love this car. it goes so fast. and has so much power. and i don't think i'll ever have a vehicle that fast again, unless, of course, i get a motorcycle. or i could just borrow linesteppa's...

On Parenting:
please believe me when i say that i don't think i'm the best parent in the world. i'm not trying to be high and mighty when it comes to my views on parenting, but come on!! i was at my kids' school carnival, and what the hell! parents were stealing the desserts used for the cake walk prizes behind the supervising teachers' back! and then i started monitoring/passing out the prized cakes to the winners, and some of the parents had the nerve to send their kids to casually walk up to the table, and try to snatch a cake! it was so infuriating. and i also know the two teachers who organize the carnival every year. both of these teachers are some of the most hard working people i've ever known. i was baffled to learn that the carnival only brings in enough money to pay for a reward program the school does to reward students who don't miss any school days for 35-36 weeks throughout the school year. the reason for this program is to encourage the students to be in school as much as possible, because if the students don't show, the gov't doesn't pay the school... super sucks. these women worked so hard, and i saw barely anyone helping them with the cleanup.

On Holidays:
ugh. i never seem to know whether to be excited about the holidays, or pissed. or depressed. this is going to be the first year that i will have to share my kids with someone else, and it's kinda depressing. i know pat'll outdo me as far as gifts and whatnot, and for the most part, i'm not bothered. i do my best.

TITT about the holidays that i can't stand is that i constantly find myself being really intolerant of those around me who don't see holidays for what they should be, or at least, what i think they should be. yeah, i know.i'm being narrow-minded, and bleh, but i can't help it. it drives me nuts to hear grown people, people who should know better, get all tehnical about who should get who what, and how much they should spend, etc. ha! i'm going to get all of my friends totally practical gifts that they can enjoy: 50 dollar gift certificates to the F street bookstore!

Career Choice Of The Day: today i would like to have been a fundraiser. and a good one at that. i would raise money for things i think are worthy of having funds raised for them.. schools, food programs for the homeless, battered women's shelter, etc.

High:

• lost my wallet for a good hour or so. sucked because i actually had money in it. then i found it in my backpack and had overlooked it earlier. or maybe the minute men misplaced it, and then moved it back later...
• got a good grade on my second MAN exam!
• actually glad that 2 "smart and finals" didn't have any cotton candy sugar. it was so much easier to just buy premade, prepackaged cotton candy than to rent the machine, make it, and then package it myself.. well, anne was going to help, but turned out we didn't need to get all sticky, so that was good...
• helping out with the carnival.

Low:

• can't find charlotte anywhere. i think she got offended when i moved her to a higher spot in my front porch. i had to destroy some of her webbing because it was attached to my front door. i miss looking for her everytime i come or go, hoping she doesn't fall into my hair and bite me.
• wish i could've helped out more with the carnival.

I Spied:

• a bunch of greedy ass parents stealing desserts from the cake walk area. freakin' pathetic
• a little girl winning a chocolate cake and beaming
• absolute adoration for a granddaughter
• 2 girls in bed bitching
• 2 stores with no cotton candy sugar
• the most annoying redhead ever! (see? i can be civil and not call her a bitch... oops!)
• 4 really really loud roofers
• pure dedication to one's job. inspired me. gave me hope
• super pick-me-up caffeine high
• a really tired ronin
• a scream from a mere knock at the door...
• the best drinky-poos!
• a dog betraying her master for a better scratcher...

Ah, Sweet November

Happy November, Everybody!!
f.y'alls.i, this post was over 2 days...

i love november. i was thinking this morning, as i jogged to Cheers (that's my new nickname for shogun/linesteppa's home), that i can kick this smoking habit. i'm gonna get healthy. i'm gonna quit for as long as i can. i'm going to exercise. and i'll start with one of my favorite months, November. i want to change my life and be an inspiration to others. just like charlize theron in sweet november. i'll have sex with a new guy every month just to inspire some knucklehead into being a better person. omg, what a dumbass movie. and how come she didn't want to inspire chicks as well? hey! that'd be a great remake for a porn movie! call it "sweet december" and make it about a chick who has terminal cancer and decides to enlighten other women by fucking them for a month at a time...omg, what a dumbass movie. hee hee wouldn't it have been funny if she had aids instead of cancer? "i'm going to be with you for a month to change your life, but we have to use condoms because i'm dying from aids."


career choice of the day: mental patient... i hear the benefits are good.. food, clothing, shelter provided. and the "i love myself" jackets are supposed to be really comfortable. free meds. only have to see the people you don't really want to see during visiting hours.. hey!!! that's it! i'm gonna set up a small window of time when i will talk to or visit with people i don't want to. i'll call it "visiting hours" sorry, mom, visiting hours are over. call back tomorrow. heehee

high:

• found my bullets! YAY! tanks, m!
• the look of absolute shock on ronin's face when i scared the hell out of him last nacht as he sat in a booth eating dinner. i felt like a lion moving in for the kill...slowly approaching the grazing antelope....in stealth mode...giggling nervously...hoping no one sees me tiptoeing through the plants as i sneak up on him from outside... and then....BAM!! threw myself up against the window!!! the look on his face surely would've won me at least ten K on funniest videos.. thanks for the tip off, m...
• class got cancelled due to power outage.
• saw a stupid movie with some good friends.
• remembered to take my trash out.

low:

• forgot to check my mail for like 3 or 4 days and got a talkin' to from my neighbor. i told him he can check my mail for me and keep all the stuff i don't want, including my bills..
• having to rely on someone i don't want to. not because the person is incompetent, in fact, she is super competent, but more that i don't feel right relying on someone i don't think i'll ever be able to return the favor to...

i spied:

• burnt fingers from melted caramel.
• a totally empty basket that had candy in it. charlotte said that a couple of kids took the whole thing...
• a eucalyptus tree branch smacking me in the face because i was so zoned out while i was running, i didn't see it coming.
• the scent of fuel leaking from my car.
• an exhausted babysitter.
• one cigarette that i barely smoked last night during class. forgive me, linesteppa. i accept your threat to beat me up and i will be waiting with a bat at my house...