i just remembered that yesterday i bought a sympathy card for lotus because i was close to a store...
it took me at least ten minutes or more to pick a card for her. a coworker of hers has lost a loved one, and she needed a sympathy card.
"ok, so not more than 10 words!"
"basic message!"
these were my instructions.
simple, right?
ah. not quite. i stood in front of the deepest sympathies section for the longest time, and then started pulling cards out.
from both of us? oohh, i dunno. did she want to include shogun?
um, this card seems ok, but it looks like a money envelope. did they want to send a check?
damn. it was getting more and more complicated. i found myself counting the words, sizing up the giant flowers pictured on the front of the cards - is the font too gushy??
too religious
too personal
too expressive
too condescending (yes, believe it!)
sigh. i know i could've just called her, but once in a (long) while i like to be a big girl...
i can't even remember which one i ended up with, but i do remember that i settled on something plainish and hurried to the checkout in a light sweat. when i got to my car, i lit up and laughed.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Monday, April 24, 2006
the bitch in me...
i did a mean thing tonight. i don't feel too bad about it (yet), but i feel bad that i let something nasty within me out.
so. tonight, in class, i was getting frustrated with the way my teacher was presenting material to the class. we were going over ekg's, and no one seemed to be understanding a lot of the terminology and descriptions of the many arrythmia's (abnormal heart rhythms) of the heart.
i asked a question regarding palpatations; where they originate from, why they happen, how stress related are they, and then my teacher starts describing the cause and effects of palpatations and tachycardia... 'i got that!' says, "hey! i had that just this weekend! and it took about 20 minutes before they went away!" my teacher keeps talking like she didn't say anything and everyone seemed to inwardly groan...
i then went on a 30 min dinner break and had a sad and depressing conversation with a friend of mine. suddenly the pessimist about life, the universe and everything, i dragged my feet back to class about 10 minutes late.
we get further into lecture about different causes of dyspnea (subjective complaint of shortness of breath as perceived by a patient...) . there are 3 causes, and the last one discussed was regarding metabolic causes of dyspnea. so i say, "cirrhosis of the liver?" "yes, but what else?" "renal (liver) failure?" "yes, yes, but c'mon guys? what else?"
silence...
"c'mon guys! this is going to be a very common condition you will see in the field... didn't you guys take 'cardiac anatomy and physiology'?"
silence...
i (finally) say, "i have no idea what you are talking about..."
he says, "hemoalkalosis!" or was it, "hemoglykosis"? i can't even remember what he said, i was so frustrated. he repeats the word again and then stares at us like little light bulbs would suddenly turn on over our stupid little heads...
silence...
i (finally (again)) say (sarcastically),
"oooooohhhh yeah! that's right!"
he stares at me and it obvious that he is not getting the sarcasm. i say, "that was a joke. we have never heard that term before, teacher."
"what?! never?!"
everyone starts blurting things out because it has been a problem with my cohort for a while now - we have on several occasions been short-changed on classes due to lack of teachers, and on one occasion, a very incompetent teacher that was pulled from our class halfway into the module.
then 'i got that!' gets up and begins to cross the room. every night she gets up from her seat at exactly 9.15 pm to place a call for a cab to pick her up, even if it's in the middle of lecture. as she passes me she says, "yeah, i know the term.. i had -"
this is when i did my bad thing..
i interrupted her and irritably said,
"yeah, i'm sure you do. you've probably had that before, too..."
she continued walking and i don't know if she heard me or not. when she came back into the romm a few minutes later, she tried chatting with me as usual if i didn't say anything; perhaps she had heard me and it didn't sink in because she didn't get it; perhaps i hurt her feelings and she didn't want me to know...
either way i felt polly wolly crappy and feel like it was totally unjustified and ashamed that i let my inner bratty nastiness out.
if she really is loopy, she deserves a little more patience than i had to give tonight.
if she isn't, maybe she really wants attention and doesn't know how to get it any other way.
regardless, that was unkind on my part and i feel bad about it.
sigh...
highs for the day:
so. tonight, in class, i was getting frustrated with the way my teacher was presenting material to the class. we were going over ekg's, and no one seemed to be understanding a lot of the terminology and descriptions of the many arrythmia's (abnormal heart rhythms) of the heart.
i asked a question regarding palpatations; where they originate from, why they happen, how stress related are they, and then my teacher starts describing the cause and effects of palpatations and tachycardia... 'i got that!' says, "hey! i had that just this weekend! and it took about 20 minutes before they went away!" my teacher keeps talking like she didn't say anything and everyone seemed to inwardly groan...
i then went on a 30 min dinner break and had a sad and depressing conversation with a friend of mine. suddenly the pessimist about life, the universe and everything, i dragged my feet back to class about 10 minutes late.
we get further into lecture about different causes of dyspnea (subjective complaint of shortness of breath as perceived by a patient...) . there are 3 causes, and the last one discussed was regarding metabolic causes of dyspnea. so i say, "cirrhosis of the liver?" "yes, but what else?" "renal (liver) failure?" "yes, yes, but c'mon guys? what else?"
silence...
"c'mon guys! this is going to be a very common condition you will see in the field... didn't you guys take 'cardiac anatomy and physiology'?"
silence...
i (finally) say, "i have no idea what you are talking about..."
he says, "hemoalkalosis!" or was it, "hemoglykosis"? i can't even remember what he said, i was so frustrated. he repeats the word again and then stares at us like little light bulbs would suddenly turn on over our stupid little heads...
silence...
i (finally (again)) say (sarcastically),
"oooooohhhh yeah! that's right!"
he stares at me and it obvious that he is not getting the sarcasm. i say, "that was a joke. we have never heard that term before, teacher."
"what?! never?!"
everyone starts blurting things out because it has been a problem with my cohort for a while now - we have on several occasions been short-changed on classes due to lack of teachers, and on one occasion, a very incompetent teacher that was pulled from our class halfway into the module.
then 'i got that!' gets up and begins to cross the room. every night she gets up from her seat at exactly 9.15 pm to place a call for a cab to pick her up, even if it's in the middle of lecture. as she passes me she says, "yeah, i know the term.. i had -"
this is when i did my bad thing..
i interrupted her and irritably said,
"yeah, i'm sure you do. you've probably had that before, too..."
she continued walking and i don't know if she heard me or not. when she came back into the romm a few minutes later, she tried chatting with me as usual if i didn't say anything; perhaps she had heard me and it didn't sink in because she didn't get it; perhaps i hurt her feelings and she didn't want me to know...
either way i felt polly wolly crappy and feel like it was totally unjustified and ashamed that i let my inner bratty nastiness out.
if she really is loopy, she deserves a little more patience than i had to give tonight.
if she isn't, maybe she really wants attention and doesn't know how to get it any other way.
regardless, that was unkind on my part and i feel bad about it.
sigh...
highs for the day:
- i got several things done on my "things i really, really fucking don't want to do list" these things included: calling my cell phone company, my credit card company, my cable company, and my bank.
- sold a property to my broker. 2 down, 2 to go.
- actually got my schedule shifted to the day classes - i'll finish school 2-3 months earlier. yay!
lows for today:
- i was unkind.
- reminded someone i love very much that they really need to look within themselves more, and that friend didn't seem to really want to hear that.
- i think my scale is broken - it's like 5 lbs too high... then again, it MIGHT just be my big fat gut.
- threw a double bday party for the middles, D2 & D3, and the house looks like a blind man cleaned it...
today i was reminded to:
- put gas in my car after seeing 2 people carrying gas cans...
- lose weight when i stood on my scale...
- keep an extra roll of toilet paper closer to the toilet after getting stranded.
- keep my big mouth shut after depressing my friend.
- not trust my ex with money when he said, " yeah! i'm going to jamaica!" when handed a check with the proceeds of the sale of our property.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
ya know....
sometimes i swear i truly am in the twilight zone.
my mom watched the kids tonight because mr.x had a birthday shindig at his place tonight and asked if i could get a babysitter.
i get home, and i'm VERY tired. i heat up a bowl of leftover vegetable soup i made and crack open a beer. mom lays on the couch and doesn't make room for me to sit, so i have to practically sit in front of her.
i haven't seen mom in a while (she was in okinawa for 6 wks), and the first thing she says is:
'what are you doing about D1's weight? you have to do something. he's getting too big. the diabetes problem with children in japan is getting bad.'
i say, 'well, mom, i'm trying to let him eat as much as he wants, but be careful about what he's eating... for the past two nights they've had vegetable soup for dinner, and i 'm also careful about their snacks..'
as if i hadn't said a thing, she starts telling me about some girl who slowly murdered her mother and documented it over the internet and a dad who killed his small child for no reason. then, she says how tired i look, but makes no effort to get off the couch and go so i can get some sleep. asked me about some of my friends and then about mr.x.
hee hee... then she goes on about how much food she ate in japan. hmmm the food was sooo good . i ate sooo much. it was soooo fresh...
i couldn't take it anymore. i say:
'damn. last night, i had a bean tostada for dinner, and i still have horrible gas...'
there is nothing in the world that motivate a person like another person's gas. my mom looked at me as if she couldn't believe she gave birth to me, and then got up shortly after. i followed her out of the house and lit a smoke and sat down on the front porch steps. said goodbye.
sigh. mama's a nut which makes me a nut...
and speaking of nuts, i have a transient neighbor, pam, who is creeping the hell out of me. she left (8!!) gold spray-painted wreaths on my porch out of the blue when i first moved in. i had no idea who did it - it was in the middle of the night. i assumed it was my other neighbors because they were having a yard sale that weekend.
nope. it was pam, who came over to my plave about a week later at 11 pm to tell me it was her and that i can make a lot of money dressing up wreaths and selling them.
it gets worse. one night, i was up very very late, and went out on the porch around 2 am for a smoke. go back out around 3 am and there's a PIZZA and a soda on the porch. and a bag of fake berries with a note written on the back of a receipt:
'hi, got these
at rummage sale
by seniors center
on f st!
you'll find
more goodies
love
pam
p.s.
you can cut
down size of vines'
i was so freaked out! and i was hella pissed at my dogs for not barking... then i got more freaked out that she must've been pretty quiet when she walked up the porch steps.
so. tonight i'm tired, and a little emotionally drained, and here she comes up the sidewalk, walkman blasting. i'm so glad i had sunny with me. she asked about my kids, and didn't seemed phased at my very obvious reluctance to answer. oh, did i get the pizzza? the pizza place puts WHOLE pizzas (can you believe it?!) out by "the back" (which, btw, i'm assuming is "the dumpster") and since she can't eat the whole thing, brought me one.
then she said that i need privacy in my windows and that she'll gladly hook up about 15 (!!!WTF!!!) spider plants off my porch beams. i say no thanks, i'm not into plants, so she says she'll get me ARTIFICIAL plants! she even began walking the front lawn and counting to herself to get an idea of how many plants will fit up there. i say no thanks, i'm fine. we start going back and forth before i just start saying, bye pam. ok, bye. yeah, bye now. goodbye.
do dee do do do dee do do
operator! operator!!! i need an operator!!!
man, i loved that episode...
my mom watched the kids tonight because mr.x had a birthday shindig at his place tonight and asked if i could get a babysitter.
i get home, and i'm VERY tired. i heat up a bowl of leftover vegetable soup i made and crack open a beer. mom lays on the couch and doesn't make room for me to sit, so i have to practically sit in front of her.
i haven't seen mom in a while (she was in okinawa for 6 wks), and the first thing she says is:
'what are you doing about D1's weight? you have to do something. he's getting too big. the diabetes problem with children in japan is getting bad.'
i say, 'well, mom, i'm trying to let him eat as much as he wants, but be careful about what he's eating... for the past two nights they've had vegetable soup for dinner, and i 'm also careful about their snacks..'
as if i hadn't said a thing, she starts telling me about some girl who slowly murdered her mother and documented it over the internet and a dad who killed his small child for no reason. then, she says how tired i look, but makes no effort to get off the couch and go so i can get some sleep. asked me about some of my friends and then about mr.x.
hee hee... then she goes on about how much food she ate in japan. hmmm the food was sooo good . i ate sooo much. it was soooo fresh...
i couldn't take it anymore. i say:
'damn. last night, i had a bean tostada for dinner, and i still have horrible gas...'
there is nothing in the world that motivate a person like another person's gas. my mom looked at me as if she couldn't believe she gave birth to me, and then got up shortly after. i followed her out of the house and lit a smoke and sat down on the front porch steps. said goodbye.
sigh. mama's a nut which makes me a nut...
and speaking of nuts, i have a transient neighbor, pam, who is creeping the hell out of me. she left (8!!) gold spray-painted wreaths on my porch out of the blue when i first moved in. i had no idea who did it - it was in the middle of the night. i assumed it was my other neighbors because they were having a yard sale that weekend.
nope. it was pam, who came over to my plave about a week later at 11 pm to tell me it was her and that i can make a lot of money dressing up wreaths and selling them.
it gets worse. one night, i was up very very late, and went out on the porch around 2 am for a smoke. go back out around 3 am and there's a PIZZA and a soda on the porch. and a bag of fake berries with a note written on the back of a receipt:
'hi, got these
at rummage sale
by seniors center
on f st!
you'll find
more goodies
love
pam
p.s.
you can cut
down size of vines'
i was so freaked out! and i was hella pissed at my dogs for not barking... then i got more freaked out that she must've been pretty quiet when she walked up the porch steps.
so. tonight i'm tired, and a little emotionally drained, and here she comes up the sidewalk, walkman blasting. i'm so glad i had sunny with me. she asked about my kids, and didn't seemed phased at my very obvious reluctance to answer. oh, did i get the pizzza? the pizza place puts WHOLE pizzas (can you believe it?!) out by "the back" (which, btw, i'm assuming is "the dumpster") and since she can't eat the whole thing, brought me one.
then she said that i need privacy in my windows and that she'll gladly hook up about 15 (!!!WTF!!!) spider plants off my porch beams. i say no thanks, i'm not into plants, so she says she'll get me ARTIFICIAL plants! she even began walking the front lawn and counting to herself to get an idea of how many plants will fit up there. i say no thanks, i'm fine. we start going back and forth before i just start saying, bye pam. ok, bye. yeah, bye now. goodbye.
do dee do do do dee do do
operator! operator!!! i need an operator!!!
man, i loved that episode...
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
CHEEEEESE!!!
brie, brie, brie it should be free!
creamy and smooth and tangy and yummy!
goes good with bread and it melts in my tummy!
baggettes and rolls and crackers and fruit!
consume too much and you'll start to toot!!
appetizer?! screw it! let's have it for dinner!
one of the guys from 'the x-files' was skinner!
'triple cream' means you'll get 3x as fat!
so you just pull out your exercise mat!
BBBBRRRRIIIEEEE! for FREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
creamy and smooth and tangy and yummy!
goes good with bread and it melts in my tummy!
baggettes and rolls and crackers and fruit!
consume too much and you'll start to toot!!
appetizer?! screw it! let's have it for dinner!
one of the guys from 'the x-files' was skinner!
'triple cream' means you'll get 3x as fat!
so you just pull out your exercise mat!
BBBBRRRRIIIEEEE! for FREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
as the sun comes up...
one of the things i love about being up all night is the total uninterrupted space to do whatever i want!
tonight i...
loaded pics onto my flickr account.
blogged.
downloaded a TON of music onto my ipod. (omg, i love my ipod!! thank you lotus!)
smoked too many smokes.
massaged my sore arse. (i really need a better computer chair...)
contemplated life on a mental sidebar. i try to keep this program constantly running so it doesn't get too overloaded...
i had a nice quiet time organizing my music. thank you all who have let me burn their music collections (esp ronin!).
going to bed now. don't bother calling me, unless anyone wants to attempt conversation with a zombie.
tonight i...
loaded pics onto my flickr account.
blogged.
downloaded a TON of music onto my ipod. (omg, i love my ipod!! thank you lotus!)
smoked too many smokes.
massaged my sore arse. (i really need a better computer chair...)
contemplated life on a mental sidebar. i try to keep this program constantly running so it doesn't get too overloaded...
i had a nice quiet time organizing my music. thank you all who have let me burn their music collections (esp ronin!).
going to bed now. don't bother calling me, unless anyone wants to attempt conversation with a zombie.
Monday, April 10, 2006
and i thought I was weird...
tonight seemed like it was going to drag on FOREVER. my classes are about 4 hrs long m-th. some nights i swear i've been in class for 6 or more. it's like in those high school movies, when a kid is waiting for time to hurry up and move on with it, damnit, and then the freaking second hand goes backward...
then there's nights when so much shit happens in one night, i wonder how 4 hrs could possibly be enough time for all that shit to happen... let's see:
tonight started off with this one VERY odd girl, who has earned the nickname, "i got that!". at almost any given lecture, she will blurt out, "i got that!" to the teacher. huh, let me think. tonight she claimed to have 2nd degree heart block - type one, in which there is some kind of blockage in the atria, and after x many regular beats, the heart skips a beat. she also said she has sinus bradycardia (slower than 60 beats/min). last week she said she missed class the day before because she had "pleural rubbing", which patients get with fairly severe pulmonary problems.
and with alll these medical problems, she has NOT passed a class in six months. i can't even begin to imagine what her school bill looks like...
and while i don't dislike her as a person, having her in my class, and i think they are starting to pass her even with failing grades, makes me a little concerned about the people who are going to be taking care of me when i need medical attention.
the weirdest thing is that she is also a lover of dolls. and i mean in a "whoa!" kinda way. she always has a doll in her backpack, and brought a catalog to school tonight to show off her doll. (her favorite one she keeps at home) these dolls are like 130 bucks each. one of my classmates asked her why she doesn't have a car (she takes a cab to and from school every night), and she said, "because then i'd have to get a carseat for my doll, and a stroller to take it to class in, and diapers for her and a change of clothes... OMG, if i'm ever in need of resp care, i would rather suffocate than have miss norman bates standing over me, sticking tubes in my nose and giving me meds!
uh, yeah... and then there was the time we were going over x-rays, and my teacher mentioned that the x-ray was of a woman's, who i think had a pneunothorax. "i got that!" says, "where are her breasts?"
i felt bad that she has to call a cab every night, and so i gave her a ride home, and she wouldn't let me take the freeway, and told me exactly what streets to turn down. i was going to take a main street because i thought it would be faster, and she insisted i not... when i got to her place, she got out, said, "see you later!" and shut the door.
for the most part, i like my class. crazy-ass rosie perez sound-a-like has quieted down (a little) and my arch nemesis doesn't get nosy about who got what grade anymore since she has become more of a b student.
on our break tonight i listened to the rant of a friend of mine who was saying that she thinks that the low self esteem of teenage girls is a serious problem, and that she should teach high school kids to smoke pot and masturbate instead of engaging in sex, because it just feels waay better. one of her points to teenage girls would be that they aren't going to get anything out of it because boys orgasm prematurely anyway, and they have no experience or desire to get the girl off. i almost choked on my salad several times...
another good friend was in need of help, of which i was happy to give; she said i'm going to heaven for sure. in my better spaces, i like to think i am already there. poor kid has a pinched nerve in her back and looked like a zombie with her eyes glazed over.
on friday i did my first shadowing. i followed one of my teachers around for a couple of hours at a hospital. it was unreal. i think everyone should go to a hospital and get a good look at all of the patients. it kind of woke something up inside me. made me think about what is truly important in life. how short and fragile our lives are. how so much depends on the decisions we make, what we think is important, where we place our values. balance for most of us is so difficult.
if i die tomorrow, will i be able to say that the time i've spent with my children, my friends, full of love and happiness? for the most part, yes.
my mother has breast cancer. i've done everything i can to get her to a hospital. i've totally spoken my mind, and while she does not get the care i wish for her, i can honestly say that i have said eveything i need to say to her, and listened to all that she has needed to say to me. with my mother, i am not necessarily happy with the way things have gone/are, but at peace. and the same goes for my sister. we will always be good friends. i love her very much.
i don't know if i'll ever have closure with my ex husband, but i think that in time, i might. we have been getting along well lately, and i think that he knows me well enough to understand that i do not have pure hatred for him and spite, although i find myself struggling with it sometimes...
i miss my two good friends in italy very much. i called hot fudge today to leave her a voicemail. i hope she finds it amusing.
then there's nights when so much shit happens in one night, i wonder how 4 hrs could possibly be enough time for all that shit to happen... let's see:
tonight started off with this one VERY odd girl, who has earned the nickname, "i got that!". at almost any given lecture, she will blurt out, "i got that!" to the teacher. huh, let me think. tonight she claimed to have 2nd degree heart block - type one, in which there is some kind of blockage in the atria, and after x many regular beats, the heart skips a beat. she also said she has sinus bradycardia (slower than 60 beats/min). last week she said she missed class the day before because she had "pleural rubbing", which patients get with fairly severe pulmonary problems.
and with alll these medical problems, she has NOT passed a class in six months. i can't even begin to imagine what her school bill looks like...
and while i don't dislike her as a person, having her in my class, and i think they are starting to pass her even with failing grades, makes me a little concerned about the people who are going to be taking care of me when i need medical attention.
the weirdest thing is that she is also a lover of dolls. and i mean in a "whoa!" kinda way. she always has a doll in her backpack, and brought a catalog to school tonight to show off her doll. (her favorite one she keeps at home) these dolls are like 130 bucks each. one of my classmates asked her why she doesn't have a car (she takes a cab to and from school every night), and she said, "because then i'd have to get a carseat for my doll, and a stroller to take it to class in, and diapers for her and a change of clothes... OMG, if i'm ever in need of resp care, i would rather suffocate than have miss norman bates standing over me, sticking tubes in my nose and giving me meds!
uh, yeah... and then there was the time we were going over x-rays, and my teacher mentioned that the x-ray was of a woman's, who i think had a pneunothorax. "i got that!" says, "where are her breasts?"
i felt bad that she has to call a cab every night, and so i gave her a ride home, and she wouldn't let me take the freeway, and told me exactly what streets to turn down. i was going to take a main street because i thought it would be faster, and she insisted i not... when i got to her place, she got out, said, "see you later!" and shut the door.
for the most part, i like my class. crazy-ass rosie perez sound-a-like has quieted down (a little) and my arch nemesis doesn't get nosy about who got what grade anymore since she has become more of a b student.
on our break tonight i listened to the rant of a friend of mine who was saying that she thinks that the low self esteem of teenage girls is a serious problem, and that she should teach high school kids to smoke pot and masturbate instead of engaging in sex, because it just feels waay better. one of her points to teenage girls would be that they aren't going to get anything out of it because boys orgasm prematurely anyway, and they have no experience or desire to get the girl off. i almost choked on my salad several times...
another good friend was in need of help, of which i was happy to give; she said i'm going to heaven for sure. in my better spaces, i like to think i am already there. poor kid has a pinched nerve in her back and looked like a zombie with her eyes glazed over.
on friday i did my first shadowing. i followed one of my teachers around for a couple of hours at a hospital. it was unreal. i think everyone should go to a hospital and get a good look at all of the patients. it kind of woke something up inside me. made me think about what is truly important in life. how short and fragile our lives are. how so much depends on the decisions we make, what we think is important, where we place our values. balance for most of us is so difficult.
if i die tomorrow, will i be able to say that the time i've spent with my children, my friends, full of love and happiness? for the most part, yes.
my mother has breast cancer. i've done everything i can to get her to a hospital. i've totally spoken my mind, and while she does not get the care i wish for her, i can honestly say that i have said eveything i need to say to her, and listened to all that she has needed to say to me. with my mother, i am not necessarily happy with the way things have gone/are, but at peace. and the same goes for my sister. we will always be good friends. i love her very much.
i don't know if i'll ever have closure with my ex husband, but i think that in time, i might. we have been getting along well lately, and i think that he knows me well enough to understand that i do not have pure hatred for him and spite, although i find myself struggling with it sometimes...
i miss my two good friends in italy very much. i called hot fudge today to leave her a voicemail. i hope she finds it amusing.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
sniffle, cough-cough, sniffle
uh-oh...
i think i have "lotusitis"...
this is going to be my third post today and it's not even 2 pm...
i think i have "lotusitis"...
this is going to be my third post today and it's not even 2 pm...
"hey kettle!! you're black!!"
i loooove coffee!! and i love toffee bars from starbucks!
went to get coffee with a friend this morning, and told her loud and clear:
"these are what i want served at my funeral!!"
"damn girl! you mean at your wedding, right?"
"i am not getting married again! but i know for sure i'm dying! remember these."
"sometimes, mulysa, you crack me up..."
she was the one who cracked me up this morning, telling me the most hilarious story about the time she took a bag of frozen chicken and knocked out her ex, and then she literally kicked him in his ass until he was out of the doorway, which ended him up in the hospital for 2 days..
"um, yeah, i was an angry person way back then."
we talked about trying to instill values in our children as they grow (away) from us. she is worried about her 15 year old daughter becoming a follower in high school.
"i need to learn to let things go."
and i understood where she was coming from - we have no right to leash our young, to force them to be what we'd like them to be. it was interesting that i had read lotus' post about children not too long ago.
i told her that accepting that her daughter is her own unique person is the first step, and that she shouldn't punish her into doing the"right thing", but rather guide her.
"but it's so hard!"
"be strong, be patient, you can do it..."
gimme about 8 more years before she can say i was the pot calling the kettle black.
went to get coffee with a friend this morning, and told her loud and clear:
"these are what i want served at my funeral!!"
"damn girl! you mean at your wedding, right?"
"i am not getting married again! but i know for sure i'm dying! remember these."
"sometimes, mulysa, you crack me up..."
she was the one who cracked me up this morning, telling me the most hilarious story about the time she took a bag of frozen chicken and knocked out her ex, and then she literally kicked him in his ass until he was out of the doorway, which ended him up in the hospital for 2 days..
"um, yeah, i was an angry person way back then."
we talked about trying to instill values in our children as they grow (away) from us. she is worried about her 15 year old daughter becoming a follower in high school.
"i need to learn to let things go."
and i understood where she was coming from - we have no right to leash our young, to force them to be what we'd like them to be. it was interesting that i had read lotus' post about children not too long ago.
i told her that accepting that her daughter is her own unique person is the first step, and that she shouldn't punish her into doing the"right thing", but rather guide her.
"but it's so hard!"
"be strong, be patient, you can do it..."
gimme about 8 more years before she can say i was the pot calling the kettle black.
marching on
highs for march:
calling up screg and telling him that i had something very personal to share with him... it was something that was shocking, a terrible secret... can i trust him to please keep this secret?
(drum roll)
"i freaking hate moving!!"
this was a joke that i had been aching to pull since i first started moving. one day last month, i was moving boxes and boxes of stuff, and i suddenly remembered helping screge and hot fudge move. screg and i would be on a ramp, with a fridge or washer or couch on a dolley. halfway up the ramp, he'd exclaim, "Damn it!!" and i would (naturally, i presume) assume something was really wrong; the item being hauled was titling off the ramp? did he somehow break a limb or something? did he forget to remove a dead body out of the fridge? nope.
"OMG screg! what's wrong?! are you ok?"
"i hate moving! this sucks!"
(minor heart attack for me slowly subsides...)
hmmm, what else? finished moving out of old place. thought i would never ever get everything out. yes, totu, movers are good, even if for just the big items.
loquats are swollen and ripe. the kids are having a blast picking them. i just need to remind d2 to stop throwing them over the house and into the front yard.
i live within walking distance of fudruckers, and a really cool mexican resturant hot fudge suggested.
got my doggies with me and feel a lot safer with them here, although they suck at deterring lotus when she sneaks in the house.
started putting old picture negatives onto cd's... also started a flicker account. would put up a link if i knew how...
the kids are doing good. looking forward to this weekend them.
lows for march:
with the move and all of the stress it brought (brings! it's still a'comin'), i didn't do very good on a midterm and my gpa got knocked a little..
the management company for my old place totally ripped me off of my deposit... 860 bucks they are taking. yeah, i know.
had to give up my beloved freezer because it just won't fit in my new place. glad that it went to a really good home, even if the water over there is a little muddy.. :)
i was without phone, cable and internet services for a week...
didn't get to the gym once...
carreer choice of the month:
i'm not quite sure. friend of mine recently said that i missed my calling as a kindergarten teacher.. i have a feeling, though, that if i had become a kinder teacher, perhaps the same person would be telling me that i missed my calling as a professional hog tie-r person-cowgirl...
hmm, yeah, i think for last month my choice is going to have to be a jerry-springer-type talk show host.. lots of drama in march... wait 'til i post about a girl in my class who brings her doll to school... (i haven't done it yet, lotus, because i'm still waiting for her to bring her photo album back to school..)
i spied in march:
calling up screg and telling him that i had something very personal to share with him... it was something that was shocking, a terrible secret... can i trust him to please keep this secret?
(drum roll)
"i freaking hate moving!!"
this was a joke that i had been aching to pull since i first started moving. one day last month, i was moving boxes and boxes of stuff, and i suddenly remembered helping screge and hot fudge move. screg and i would be on a ramp, with a fridge or washer or couch on a dolley. halfway up the ramp, he'd exclaim, "Damn it!!" and i would (naturally, i presume) assume something was really wrong; the item being hauled was titling off the ramp? did he somehow break a limb or something? did he forget to remove a dead body out of the fridge? nope.
"OMG screg! what's wrong?! are you ok?"
"i hate moving! this sucks!"
(minor heart attack for me slowly subsides...)
hmmm, what else? finished moving out of old place. thought i would never ever get everything out. yes, totu, movers are good, even if for just the big items.
loquats are swollen and ripe. the kids are having a blast picking them. i just need to remind d2 to stop throwing them over the house and into the front yard.
i live within walking distance of fudruckers, and a really cool mexican resturant hot fudge suggested.
got my doggies with me and feel a lot safer with them here, although they suck at deterring lotus when she sneaks in the house.
started putting old picture negatives onto cd's... also started a flicker account. would put up a link if i knew how...
the kids are doing good. looking forward to this weekend them.
turned 30.. thank you all for bday wishes. one of my classmates got me a balloon and a 20 $ starbucks card. i've never been given a balloon before for my bday, so that was neat. the starbucks card comes in rather handy on dinner break at school..
lows for march:
with the move and all of the stress it brought (brings! it's still a'comin'), i didn't do very good on a midterm and my gpa got knocked a little..
the management company for my old place totally ripped me off of my deposit... 860 bucks they are taking. yeah, i know.
had to give up my beloved freezer because it just won't fit in my new place. glad that it went to a really good home, even if the water over there is a little muddy.. :)
i was without phone, cable and internet services for a week...
didn't get to the gym once...
carreer choice of the month:
i'm not quite sure. friend of mine recently said that i missed my calling as a kindergarten teacher.. i have a feeling, though, that if i had become a kinder teacher, perhaps the same person would be telling me that i missed my calling as a professional hog tie-r person-cowgirl...
hmm, yeah, i think for last month my choice is going to have to be a jerry-springer-type talk show host.. lots of drama in march... wait 'til i post about a girl in my class who brings her doll to school... (i haven't done it yet, lotus, because i'm still waiting for her to bring her photo album back to school..)
i spied in march:
- a half shaven dog with a split toe.
- oragne lemons! yum! very nice neighbor guy who wears a tweed treachcoat with a "FUCK BUSH" pin on his lapel says me and the kids can pick as many lemons as we want.. and my corner house is a prime spot for a lemonade stand in the summer.
- missing staff at school. i think they are all aliens and are taking turns observing us.
- half my bed covered in paperwork
- fear, temptation, second-guessing, procrastination, and lonliness all rolled into one
- gold wreaths left on my doorstep by a strange old lady i met in the middle of the night while i was smoking outside.
- a missing ring
- a bad pitcher.. i'm so used to throwing the ball TO the other person, i hit my poor baby three times while we practiced batting.. he was quick to forgive and keep at it, the little trooper..
- a bad provider. i'm so disgusted by him and so sad when she says she should've listened to me.
- three candles that stood for one decade each
- a stand. i am ready to take it, although it's hard knowing i have to take it alone.
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