and i thought I was weird...

tonight seemed like it was going to drag on FOREVER. my classes are about 4 hrs long m-th. some nights i swear i've been in class for 6 or more. it's like in those high school movies, when a kid is waiting for time to hurry up and move on with it, damnit, and then the freaking second hand goes backward...

then there's nights when so much shit happens in one night, i wonder how 4 hrs could possibly be enough time for all that shit to happen... let's see:

tonight started off with this one VERY odd girl, who has earned the nickname, "i got that!". at almost any given lecture, she will blurt out, "i got that!" to the teacher. huh, let me think. tonight she claimed to have 2nd degree heart block - type one, in which there is some kind of blockage in the atria, and after x many regular beats, the heart skips a beat. she also said she has sinus bradycardia (slower than 60 beats/min). last week she said she missed class the day before because she had "pleural rubbing", which patients get with fairly severe pulmonary problems.

and with alll these medical problems, she has NOT passed a class in six months. i can't even begin to imagine what her school bill looks like...

and while i don't dislike her as a person, having her in my class, and i think they are starting to pass her even with failing grades, makes me a little concerned about the people who are going to be taking care of me when i need medical attention.

the weirdest thing is that she is also a lover of dolls. and i mean in a "whoa!" kinda way. she always has a doll in her backpack, and brought a catalog to school tonight to show off her doll. (her favorite one she keeps at home) these dolls are like 130 bucks each. one of my classmates asked her why she doesn't have a car (she takes a cab to and from school every night), and she said, "because then i'd have to get a carseat for my doll, and a stroller to take it to class in, and diapers for her and a change of clothes... OMG, if i'm ever in need of resp care, i would rather suffocate than have miss norman bates standing over me, sticking tubes in my nose and giving me meds!

uh, yeah... and then there was the time we were going over x-rays, and my teacher mentioned that the x-ray was of a woman's, who i think had a pneunothorax. "i got that!" says, "where are her breasts?"

i felt bad that she has to call a cab every night, and so i gave her a ride home, and she wouldn't let me take the freeway, and told me exactly what streets to turn down. i was going to take a main street because i thought it would be faster, and she insisted i not... when i got to her place, she got out, said, "see you later!" and shut the door.

for the most part, i like my class. crazy-ass rosie perez sound-a-like has quieted down (a little) and my arch nemesis doesn't get nosy about who got what grade anymore since she has become more of a b student.

on our break tonight i listened to the rant of a friend of mine who was saying that she thinks that the low self esteem of teenage girls is a serious problem, and that she should teach high school kids to smoke pot and masturbate instead of engaging in sex, because it just feels waay better. one of her points to teenage girls would be that they aren't going to get anything out of it because boys orgasm prematurely anyway, and they have no experience or desire to get the girl off. i almost choked on my salad several times...

another good friend was in need of help, of which i was happy to give; she said i'm going to heaven for sure. in my better spaces, i like to think i am already there. poor kid has a pinched nerve in her back and looked like a zombie with her eyes glazed over.

on friday i did my first shadowing. i followed one of my teachers around for a couple of hours at a hospital. it was unreal. i think everyone should go to a hospital and get a good look at all of the patients. it kind of woke something up inside me. made me think about what is truly important in life. how short and fragile our lives are. how so much depends on the decisions we make, what we think is important, where we place our values. balance for most of us is so difficult.

if i die tomorrow, will i be able to say that the time i've spent with my children, my friends, full of love and happiness? for the most part, yes.

my mother has breast cancer. i've done everything i can to get her to a hospital. i've totally spoken my mind, and while she does not get the care i wish for her, i can honestly say that i have said eveything i need to say to her, and listened to all that she has needed to say to me. with my mother, i am not necessarily happy with the way things have gone/are, but at peace. and the same goes for my sister. we will always be good friends. i love her very much.

i don't know if i'll ever have closure with my ex husband, but i think that in time, i might. we have been getting along well lately, and i think that he knows me well enough to understand that i do not have pure hatred for him and spite, although i find myself struggling with it sometimes...

i miss my two good friends in italy very much. i called hot fudge today to leave her a voicemail. i hope she finds it amusing.