man, i feel like a woman...

i had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine yesterday. anne and i sat on the porch and talked about men and the way they perceive women. it kinda boiled down to the fact that everyone sees everyone else differently. of course, you can get into stereotypes and etc., but in the end, it's all about the connection shared between two people...

one of the things i realized is that one really should sit down and think about what they want in their (prospective) partner...

what do i think makes a good man?
does he adore my kids? make me laugh? pay my bills? interested in what i have to say? eat my food even when it's "healthy"? go to the batting cages with me? romance me? pick me up starbucks on the way home?

what do i want my man to think of me as a woman?
does he not care if i dye my hair? wear jeans everyday? not show cleavage? not fix my hair? what about the fact that i'm overweight? that my body is covered in stretch marks? that i snort when i laugh?

what makes a good woman?

is she pretty? does she take time to be pretty? what about women who take "excessive" amounts of time? and women who take none?

i (pathetically) teeter on the low end of this particular spectrum... i don't lotion my legs or hands unless the skin is scaling and crisp. i wax my lip when the hairs are overgrown... i sometimes forget to shave one of my legs.. my makeup and nail polish are all approaching the decade mark (if not already there).

and despite all of this, i have thought that it was ok, because i've always thought that being a tomboy was ok. my mother would only get dolled up for the evil stepfather (childhood!!! i'm tellin' you...) at his persistence. my sis was obsessed with being pretty as we were growing up. i remember being morbidly fascinated with the progressively thinning eyebrows during high school... once i tried to convince her to just pluck them completely - i just couldn't bear the anticipation of their total obliteration...

i think the accumulative experiences i had with women and the unprettiness of trying to be pretty repulsed me so that i didn't want to be part of that at all...

and in a lot ways, i still don't...

a classmate (guy) told me yesterday that i am "way too high maintenance.." i thought it was funny because i've always thought that i am really low maintenance; i don't care about birthday/anniversary/x-mas gifts, i'm not picky when it comes to what to eat, what to do, what to watch (ok, here i have to say, i'm rather reluctant about horror because they can freak me out...), i've always carried my own when it comes to responsibilities, i rarely ask for help with the groceries.

i can only be what is in my heart to be, and expect my (MALE) partner to want to be that for me...

now get back to work...

now playing:
"my star". by madder rose. album is tragicmagic