greasy grimy gopher guts

if you are a stepfather dad, clap your hands...

if you are a sperm donor dad, stomp your feet...

if you've adopted a little one,

who you lovingly refer to as "son"...

wiggle your toes, wiggle your toes, wiggle your toes....

called my dad today. it's weird referring to him as my "dad", because we didn't develop a relationship until i was in my 20's... but it's even weider to say "my real dad", because i think it implies that perhaps i have a fake dad as well (a blow-up dad hiding in the closet whom i take for long walks with the dogs sometimes) . hmmm... "my biological father" sounds too technical, and makes me think of why he is my "biological" dad, which gives me the heebie-jeebies. i may as well say, "my sperm donor dad"...

when i used to talk to my mother's 2nd ex, (he was the one who raised us kids) i'd call him "dad" and my "bio dad" my "father"... then came my "stepdad", who's barely older than you'69ers who we all call grandpa (shares the same name as mr.x). he is more like a big brother to me, but has also given me more insight into life over the years than my other dads combined. i almost called him today to say "happy D day", but decided against it since mother has a way of blowing EVERYTHING out of proportion... (yeah, yeah, now y'all know where i get it from)

having grown up with an asshole of a stepdad, getting the best "fatherly" advice of my life from a guy only nine years older than me, and bio dad missing during my most important years (aka "childhood"), i am happy to say that i am grateful for all the good men in my life. from the past and the ones in my present. Among some of them are:

• the gay friend who told me that men are nothing but trouble,
• the stranger who paid for my gas when i had no money on me and had filled my tank (it was approx. $17) thinking i had cash; he said to just take good care of my baby (i was 8 mos along with D1).
• an old man standing in line in front of me at an atm. i was huge (pregnant), and thought that life was a cruel setup for knuckleheads like me. big ol' crocodile tears were streaming down my face, and he turned around and said, "awww, baby. it can't all be that bad.. smile now. you'll be ok..." and i felt soo much better. fucker didn't let me cut him in line, though.. (that was a funny, btw.)
• grandpa who always told me i was so smart, and wouldn't it be nice if we could stop time just for a little bit so that we could spend some time alone together? and nobody could bother us, we could tinker in the workshop allll day. my first trip to a landfill was courtesy of gramps.. i thought it was so cool.
• an anesthesiologist named eric who was incredibly gentle with me when he hooked me up with an epidural during one of my more painful deliveries.
• dr sefa. never rushed my prenatal appts. apologized for missing the birth of D3 (it couldn't have been helped, she practically flew out!) never told me i was gaining too much weight or not getting enough exercise - would always instead ask what i was eating, how much exercise i was getting, and would gently give advice.
• my very dear guy friends who have been there for me during dark hours.
• sunny. who always looks at me when i am bustling about as if to say, 'mama, if i could help you , i would..." he tries so hard not to bark at strangers at the fence; he doesn't pee on my garden. crawls into bed with me when i cry.
• and my dearest baby boys. they have taught me so much about love and patience. d2 wipes the toilet down without being asked, and said he'd try not to wipe boogers on the wall next to his bed anymore. can't ask for much more than that out of a kid...