back from the twilight zone...

wow. it's been quite a while since i've posted...

i have been soo busy. the only time i seem to have lately is to quickly go over my friends' blogs and i'm sorry that i haven't even had the time to comment. but it is nice to get an idea of what everyone is up to.

and me? let's see...

around the time i last posted i stared my second core class in my RT (respiratory therapy) program. it was cardiac and renal (kidney) anatomy and physiology. totally busted my balls. this has been my first long break in a while, so hopefully i can catch up on my blogging and comments. :)

took the final last night and i did really good, i was excited.

my lease for the house i'm in right now is up at the end of march and i have to sign another one year lease if i'm going to stay, so i've decided to move to a smaller, cheaper place. finally found one and i really like to homeowner so far. the back yard is more inviting, and i think the kids will be happy. the ex and i are going to sell our other home, and hopefully by the time we settle our property division, i will be able to support myself through school without having to work, so i can study and take care of my babies.

going through some awkward stuff with the ex, trying to be friends, or at least, friendly, to each other is going to only be temporary, i think. he doesn't seem to be able to handle getting along with me and not flirting with me whenever he can. i'm sure that will come to a screeching halt when i take him to court for child support. he seems to think that paying for my share of the cell phone means he doesn't owe me anything.

D3 said to me today, "mom, you smell so pretty. you smell like vanilla.." i was really surprised that he could tell what body spray i was wearing, since i hardly wear my spray, and then i remembered that last week, he went to the bathroom and it was stinky, so he decided to spray the bathroom down with my vanilla body spray. it was so much i had a sneezing fit. cute.

went to brunch with hot fudge and ronin today and then we went to the new place to check it out. my new landlord gave me the keys today instead of march 1st, and it was such a nice gesture. i feel so inspired when people reach out to me or others with simple kindness. she met my ex, and after he left, she looked so sad and said that he seems like such a nice person. i told her that i hope he is a better person now and will make someone else happy in the ways he couldn't make me.

last night i saw little sis' (totu's sis is 1 yr younger than me) and we had a nice talk. i was buzzing from my final (yay! 100%) and yet went through this weird saddness after it was over. i got to thinking about having kids so young, and wouldn't it have been nice if i had the sense years ago to go to school. i realy like science, and wish i had gotten my phd in chemistry or physics. she countered by saying that then i wouldn't be the person i am now. good point, but i think the main thing was that was bothering me was that giving up on school would've been worth it if i had been happily married and etc, etc.

the good thing is that now i feel like all these doors are opening up for me. i want to get my bachelor's, hopefully in RT, and maybe teach. i want to get back into real estate, and own a house out in the mountains, where i can go on vacation with the kids when we can. i want chickens. and the best part about wanting all of these things is that i think they are attainable.

for the most part, the drama in my life has slowed down, but most definitely not dissapated. i am open to the quite probable fact that it probably never will go away, and at the moment, that's ok. trying to keep an eye out for the next storm, because omg, when it rains, it pours.

a dear friend of mine shared some news that made me very happy. i am glad to think of her and watch her personal growth.

there is something about hot fudge that is so calming for me. after we went to see my new place after brunch, the two of us went through the house and tried to decide where everything will go. it was a wonderful help to be able to let her go through the place and help me figure things out. i don't feel very confident about my decorating/furniture placement abilities. she is truly a master. on my way home, i thought about how she gave me a couple of books that were about inspiring ourselves through being good to other people, and another book on amazing women. the neat thing was that when she gave them to me, she said, "i saw these books and i thought of you..." what a compliment. i was nice to hear that she thinks of me that way. i guess i won't egg her car this weekend after all...

smoking has been a bitch to let go of, and i try not to do it on my way to the gym when i have an appointment with my trainer. he pushes me extra hard when he smells smoke on me. last week i had a hard time sitting down on toilets and carrying my backpack was a little difficult. but fear not to this injustice, i occassionly cheat when i work out, and when he isn't looking at me because he's writing something down, i skip a sit up to two...